There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and [...]
Q. Why dont blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. Whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit [...]
The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
A
woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, Im a little worried about [...]
41. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chickens day off.
42. Q: Whats more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
43. Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
44. Q: What do you get [...]
A family from Maine was visiting relatives in Georgia one summer. The little
boy from Maine was playing with his little girl cousin. Since it was so hot,
they stripped and waded in the creek for a while. As they were sunning
themselves afterward, the little girl drawled, Ya know, ah never knew [...]
Fathers Day in the 1900s and today
Today is one of the first Fathers Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didnt have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a [...]
Little Jonny asked his mother Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?
Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense? replied by his mother
Little Jonny answered The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.
There are [...]
With the advent of the new year, many employees are faced with the dreaded Annual Evaluation. Perhaps these lists will assist ya in in determining what your boss is really trying to say:
AVERAGENot too bright
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGEDumb as a rock
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIEDHas committed no major blunders lately
ZEALOUS ATTITUDEHighly Opinionated
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLESStubborn as Hell
TAKES GREAT [...]
The following jokes are from No Laughing Matter by Steven Lukes
of Oxford and Itzhak Gelnoor of Hebrew University of Jerusalem.
The selections are from the June 5, 1989 issue of Newsweek (review
by George F. Will).
Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
