Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Dont imagine you can change a man - unless hes in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So many men - so many reasons not to [...]
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
Youre still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You dont think Jeffs jokes are funny.
You might be a redneck if. . .
You think harass is two words.
You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH.
Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have more dogs than the local [...]
Ghost PoopieThe kind where you feel the poopie come out, but theres no poopie in the toilet.
Clean PoopieThe kind where you seen the poopie come out, but theres nothing on the toilet paper.
The Wet PoopieThe kind where you wipe your butt fifty times, and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet [...]
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to [...]
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and [...]
Q. Why dont blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. Whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit [...]
The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
A
woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, Im a little worried about [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
