The other day I went into the local religious book store, where I saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and Im really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy [...]
A truck driver stopped for a meal at and was just served when a huge caravan of Hells Angels roared in. As the gang entered the restraunt, everyone but the truck driver quickly paid thier bills and left. The truck driver quietly sat there eating his steak.
The leader of the Hells Angels marched in and [...]
If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, Remember, we never had this conversation.
Tell [...]
1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.
3.) There is a very fine line between hobby and mental [...]
Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist?
They fight tooth and nail!
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left [...]
In a long line of people, one guy suddenly starts massaging the back of the person in front of him, the person turned and asked, what the hell you are doing?
Well, said the guy massaging the back, you see Im a chiropractor and I cant help massaging your back, in fact I cant help practicing [...]
While standing in front of the gorillas cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the man senseless. When the man came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that [...]
A couple of maintenance men are working around launch pad of the space shuttle
one day, when one of them notices some fuel leaking from one of the fuel
lines. They call mission control, who instructs them to try and contain the
fuel till they can figure out what to do about it.
They [...]
So theres this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean hes a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this birds foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to [...]
An Indian dies and goes to Heaven. As is the custom he is met at the pearly gates and taken for a tour. He finally lands in Gods room. In front of God is a huge console with many red lamps.
Every time, his guide tells him, anyone lies on the Earth these lights flash.
Just as [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
