Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining
that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While hes in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.
Leave him a note, explaining that youve gone away for the holidays.
Ask if he would mind watering your [...]
A is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didnt care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a damn about you.
B is for Bitter.
Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married [...]
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didnt care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and [...]
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
Our next song is Angels We Have Heard Get High.
Dont let worry kill you–let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and dont know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Weight Watchers [...]
Jon came home in great excitement and said to his wife, Judi, my love, youll never believe it, dear, but Ive discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.
Really, she said, interested at once. What is it?
Back to back, Jon replies.
But thats crazy. We cant do anything back to back.
Yes, we can, he says. Ive persuaded [...]
Lets face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins werent invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which arent sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, [...]
There was this guy who just got a new job as a school bus driver for elementary school children. He thought it would be nice to paint the school bus with characters from Sesame Street. So, he painted Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, The Cookie Monster and so forth. At his first stop, there was [...]
Here are some real U.S. laws that are just crazy! And some are still on the books!
In Ottumwa, Iowa, It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub [...]
The patient shook his doctors hand in gratitude and said:
Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by
offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned
you in my will.
That is very kind of you, said the doctor emotionally, and [...]
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist….
…..Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things.
I know, she said. Its in case I should die before my husband. Im sure he [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
