Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date
10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.
9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.
8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on [...]
Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, Theyre driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and Im half-way to the nut hatch.
What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself, her friend said.
So Mary bought a playpen. A few days [...]
Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
1. Tell the widow that the deceaseds last wish was that she make love with you
2. Tell the undertaker that he cant close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that [...]
How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.
Ebonics Version of Windows 98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled It be a fresh Window. It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced [...]
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all
states, commonwealths and other territories. Except [...]
A man was taking a walk, and desided to go through the old graveyard as a shortcut. Now, it just so happens Betoveens grave happened to be in that cemetary, and the man walked past it. He heard the 1st symphany playing backwards, and took notice to the name on the gravestone, but kept walking, [...]
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
Are you crazy yelled the customer, sticking your thumb in my steak?!
What answers the waiter, You want it to fall on the floor again?
A man goes to a shrink and says, Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larrys bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! Im going crazy. What do you think I should do? Relax, says the Doctor, take a deep breath and calm [...]
Two guys in a Yugo were arrested last night in
Oakland following a push-by shooting incident.
The new Yugo has an air bag. When you sense an
impending accident, start pumping real fast.
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
