An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -
I want to feel your breasts he exclaimed.
Get away from me, you crazy old man she replied.
I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars, he says.
Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!
I [...]
I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Dont try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small [...]
Well, how bout that? Im lost! Looks like well have to stop and
ask for directions.
You know, Pumpkin, now that youre 13, youll be ready for
unchaperoned car dates. Wont that be fun?
I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I
like that.
Heres a credit card and [...]
1. Well, how bout that? Im lost! Looks like well have to stop and ask for directions. 2. You know Pumpkin, now that youre thirteen, youll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Wont that be fun? 3. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that. 4. Heres a credit [...]
For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone [...]
There once was this Vietnam vet who still occasionally had very vivid flasbacks. The man worked as a dentist and one day, he was doing a normal check-up, when a flashback hit him. He went crazy and repeatedly stabbed the patient. Needless to say, he was fired and needed another job. The vet [...]
The FBI found a bottle of an antidepressant drug in the Unabomber suspects cabin. Its a good thing he was taking that stuff… otherwise, he might have done something REALLY crazy…
Monday was tax day all across the USofA. Instead of trying to simplify those complicated forms, why doesnt the IRS just issue decoder rings? Those [...]
Just a few hints about what to say around the office …
Top 20 ways to eloquantly say Your Fly Is Open
The cucumber has left the salad.
I can see the gun of Navarone.
Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
Youve got Windows in your laptop.
Sailor Neds trying to take a little shore [...]
Diary of a New Snow Shoveler
Decenber 8th 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like [...]
Confucius say…
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Baseball very funny game–man with 4 balls no can walk!!
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Woman who [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
