Q: Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! Damn. A bad skydiver goes, Damn. WHACK!
Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: Why dont blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? [...]
Bumper stickers seen this weekend …..
Youre just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I have the body of a god……..Buddha.
This would be really funny if it werent happening to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
The face is familiar but i cant quite remember my name.
Illiterate? Write for help.
Honk if anything falls off.
He who hesitates [...]
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together,
and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and
says to her, Sweetie, why dont you give me a blowjob?
What? Youre crazy!
Dont worry, it will be quick, no problem.
No! Someone may see; a relative, [...]
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
Hes all right now.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the [...]
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While hes in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that youve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he [...]
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO [...]
20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. Youve got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Neds trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier aint so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower [...]
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness? He got the following reply.
Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter [...]
The other day I went to the local religious book store where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on my back bumper and Im glad I did.
What an uplifting experience followed. That bumper sticker really worked!!
I found lots of people who loved Jesus.
I [...]
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
