Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

A man was in a bad accident and was injured but the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious.

However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm.

He realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same. Do you notice anything unusual about me? he asked the first candidate.

Yes. You have no ears.

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

Do you notice anything unusual about me? he asked the second candidate.

Yes. You have no ears.

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

Do you notice anything unusual about me? he asked the third candidate.

Yes. Youre wearing contacts.

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, Thats correct. How did you know?

You cant wear glasses if you dont have ears!

How many quadriplegics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dont know, but youve got to admit that it would probably be fun to watch…

Wanna hear a clean joke? Joe played with Bubbles!!! Wanna hear a dirty joke?? Bubbles was the girl next door!!!

What is grosser than gross?

Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a spoon in your butt?

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?

Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.

Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmno_qrstuvwxyz.

Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but wheres the p?

Malcolm: Miss, its running down my leg!

This couple happened to be driving through the State Park when they past a sign stating Dont feed the animals.

while driving alittle further they happen upon another sign stating Dont touch the animals.

While proceeding alittle further they happen across another sign stating Dont kill the animals.

Just then a thumping occurs under the car. They stop and the husband gets out to see that they have run down a skunk. As he peers up, he sees a park policeman on patrol heading towards them and grabs the skunk, throwing it in on his wifes lap. He jumps back into the car and his wife screams at him What am I suppose to do with this?

Put it under your dress, he says.

But it stinks, she replys.

Well plug its nose, he says.

An 83-year old woman decided that shed seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasnt certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt." She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself. Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher replies to her, "Well, thats a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?" Toms hand flies up and she calls on him. Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear." "Well, Tom thats a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes its green, and sometimes its full of seaweed so its not definitely clear. Anyone else?" Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand. "Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher. "Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies. "Yes." "Do farts have lumps?" "No. Why do you ask." "Well, then Ive definitely pooped in my pants."

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic his surgeon comes in and tells him: Well, Ive got good news and Ive got bad news for you.

Give me the bad news first, Doc. says the patient.

Im afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son.

Oh my god! the patient cries, breaking into tears.

But the good news, the doctor adds, is that we had them biopsied and youll be relieved to know that they werent malignant.