Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

62. Call safety and security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.

2. Dont go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.

3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.

4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?

5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.

6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch them and proceed to make this meal yourself.

7. After finishing your meal, look at your brand of china. Proceed to look at everyone elses, regardless of whether theyre finished eating or not. Complain how the school is too cheap to buy some real Wedgewood china. Then dump your dishes and waste food in the trash and explain how it would be cheaper to buy new dishes than to wash the old ones.

8. During the meal, start a conversation about the innocence of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then look at everybodys limbs with a marked amount of interest. Then involuntarily drool.

9. Stand in line for the food. After getting your food, smear it over your clothes and return to the end of the line. Repeat.

10. Complain how cold it is in the dining hall–to every person in the dining hall.

A teacher wanted one of her pupils to come up with a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A girl put her hand up and said,I went to Disneyland. It was fascinating.

No no, I want you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.

A boy known for his bad language put his hand up and said, My sister´s got a shirt with 12 buttons but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

174. Constantly slip and fall–on your carpet.

14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isnt

51. Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.

52. Any game can be made into a drinking game.

53. Disney movies are more than just classics.

54. Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.

55. You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.

56. Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just dont get the messages.

57. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.

58. Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.

59. ATMs are the devils advocate.

60. Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the days lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.

And who was it that developed the theories behind communism? the professor asked.

I dont know, the student said.

Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know, said the professor.

Thats not true, the student replied. I never pay attention anyway!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

A student comes to a young professors office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

I would do anything to pass this exam. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. I mean… she whispers, …I would do…anything.

He returns her gaze. Anything?

Anything.

His voice softens. Anything??

Absolutely anything.

His voice turns to a whisper. Would you…study?