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10. The complimentary paper tells you that President Kennedy has died. 9. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. 8. The magic fingers vibration is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. 7. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow 6. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes. 5. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it. 4. Theres a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers. 3. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you. 2. The only TV station you can get is a porno channel with Roseanne on it. 1. The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.

If we dont succeed, we run the risk of failure.
–Al Gore

Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
– Vice President Al Gore

Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts.
–Vice President Al Gore

Mars is essentially in the same orbit… Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, & water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
–Vice President Al Gore, 8/11/94

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nations history. I mean in this centurys history. But we all lived in this century. I didnt live in this century.
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.
–Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, & that one word is to be prepared.
–Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
–Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
–Vice President Al Gore

The future will be better tomorrow.
–Vice President Al Gore

Were going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
–Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
– Vice President Al Gore

I stand by all the misstatements that Ive made.
–Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson,8/17/93

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.
– Vice President Al Gore

Public speaking is very easy.
–Vice President Al Gore to reporters in 10/95

I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat.
–Vice President Al Gore

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
– Vice President Al Gore

When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
–Al Gore

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
–Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/96

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

For NASA, space is still a high priority.
–Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
–Vice President Al Gore, 9/18/95

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make.
–Vice President Al Gore

Were all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
–Vice President Al Gore

It isnt pollution thats harming the environment. Its the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
– Vice President Al Gore

[Its] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
– Vice President Al Gore

AND, OF COURSE, (TO ALL USERS OF THE INTERNET), THE ALL TIME FAVORITE QUOTATION OF MR. AL GORE:

As many of you know, I was very instrumental in the founding of the Internet
–AL Gore to Katie Couric 3/99

But can he spell potato??? :-)

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.Has won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."You hear them murmur, "Lets see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Dont-Give-As-In-Computer-Science!"

Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?
A: Gennifer.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
A: To tax the chicken.

Q: Whats the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: Vice-president of the United States.

Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

Theres never been a macho Acapulco Man advertising campaign.
You dont see groups of stoners huddled around office building doorways in the rain.
No toothpastes are available to get rid of embarassing THC stains on your teeth.
The Spliffs Annual Tennis Classic didnt happen this year.
There are no Senators who identify themselves as being from marijuana states.
No drug kingpin (or other CEO) has lied before Congress about the addictiveness of marijuana.
Uh … wow, what was the question again?
Clinton has definitely inhaled tobacco.
Youll never, ever find the end of a marijuana cigarette on a sidewalk or in a public toilet.

… and the Number One difference between marijuana and tobacco:

Five years imprisonment and a $50,000 dollar fine!

Youve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

Since this most recent sex scandal broke on President Clinton, most democrats are scrambling to defend him. One of the more popular ones around seems to be: Kennedy did the same thing.

Well … maybe, but not only did Kennedy have class and discretion, he had much better taste in women.