Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, Son, do you have a last request? To which the man replied, Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?

Certainly, replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?

Please, said the condemned man, kill me first.

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, Why, Irish Mike, this wouldnt be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?

That it is, Irish Mike replied grimly, ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.

You mean you pinched his honor? asked Pat.

How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume? demanded Mike.

Well, mused Pat, theres a lesson in this somewhere.

That there is, replied Irish Mike…. Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community…. and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, Gosh, Id really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.

Shut Up, replied Shut Up.

Stupid, replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. Excuse Me! shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

Shut Up!

Stupid!

The police chief was very riled. He then asked Are you looking for trouble?!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,Why yes, how did you know?

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

The following supposedly a true story.

This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said Because I dont believe you are over 21.

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didnt believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

A policeman arrested a prostitute, and the following conversation occurred.

Girl: Im not selling sex!

Officer: Then what are you doing?

Girl: Im selling condoms and offering a free demonstration!

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

Okay, the sheriff drawled, Gomer, what is 1 and 1?

11 he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, Thats not what I meant, but hes right.

What two days of the weekstart with the letter T?

Today and tomorrow.

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, I dont know.

Well, why dont you go home and work on that one for a while?

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

It went great! First day on the job and Im already working on a murder case!

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.

Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, I hear sirens. Jump!

The second one said, But were on the 13th floor!

The first one screamed back, This is no time to be superstitious.