A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
Doctor, says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?
I dont see why not, replies the doctor.
Thats funny, says the man. I wasnt able to play it before.
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.
Involvement with the patients suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
10. Never die while in your doctors presence or under his direct care.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I cant see him now. Next.
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Dont worry about it. Youll pass eventually.
Liz: Im the examiner!
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
Excuse me, he said, have you lost something?
No, replied one of the doctors. Were doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.
Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.
Doctor: You should diet.
Trish: Really? What color?
Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
this lady walks in the dentist and said is this gonna hurt and the dentist said no its just a screw.