Did you ever have this before?
Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, youve got it again!
Archive for the "Medical" Category
I have bad and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? Whats the very bad news?
Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Doctor! I swallowed a pillow!
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Will this operation hurt me at all?
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
The bad and the worse news
A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimers disease.
Man: Thats great. I was afraid I had cancer!
People are ignoring me
A patient walks into a doctors office.
Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.
Doctor: Next!
I think I need a pair of glasses
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
My wife is beating me
David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!
Did you take the patients temperature?
Doctor: Did you take the patients temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?
Ive got good and bad
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: Thats terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?
Doctor: You also have Alzheimers. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
