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A
woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, Im a little worried about the pain. How much will
childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and
pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, its difficult to describe
pain."

"I know, but cant you give me some idea?," she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little…"

"Like this?"

"A little more…"

"Like this?"

"No. A little more…"

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

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Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? Whats the very bad news?

Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.00.

Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I cant remember anything!

Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?

Patient: What problem?A variationDoctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?

Patient: What pills?

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! Youve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

Doctor: Sell!

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

Doctor: Sell!

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.