Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.
Some statisticians dont drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.
Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.
Psst, cmere, said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed.
What are you selling? I asked.
Geometrical algebra drugs.
Huh!?
Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…
Stop right there, I interrupted. Ive never heard of inside-outers.
Oh, man, youll love em. Makes you feel like M.C. ever-lovin Escher on a particularly weird day.
Go on…
OK, your inside-outers, your arbitrary bilinear mappers, and here, heh, here are the best ones, he said, pulling out a large clear bottle of orange pills.
What are those, then? I asked.
Givens transformers. Theyll rotate you about more planes than you even knew existed.
Sounds gross. What about those bilinear mappers?
Theres a whole variety of them. Heres one youll love — they call it One Over Z on the street. Take one of these little bad boys and youll be on speaking terms with the Point at Infinity.
Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Theorem: log(-1) = 0
Proof:
a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1)
On the other hand:
b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0
Combining a) and b) gives:
2* log(-1) = 0
Divide both sides by 2:
log(-1) = 0
Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?
A: Its referred to as the log scale.
Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
Proof:
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing.
1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c
Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhDs in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.
The Lipton Company is big on statistics–especially t-tests.
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates Ad (Long Version)
