A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, My mom says I can take the course as long as theres no homework.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, Whats so funny Bobby?
Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.
Get out of my classroom, she yells, I dont want to see you for three days!
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, Whats so funny Billy?
Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.
Again she yells, Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him – I dont want to see you for three weeks!
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
And where do you think you are going? she asks.
Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!
A teacher asks her class to use the word contagious.
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.
Well done Roland, says the teacher. Can anyone else try?
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, My Gran says theres a bug going round and its contagious.
Well done, Katie, says the teacher. Anyone else?
Little Johnny jumps up and says, Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.
Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, rather curious. He
had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the older boys and he
wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his
mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny,
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning Johnny described
everything he saw to his mother…
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the
lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her, I figured sis must be getting
sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because
he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would.
Except hes not as smart as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble
finding her heart.
I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold
because he put it under her skirt. About this time sis got worse and began to
moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This
was when the fever started. I knew it was a fever because sis told him she was
really hot.
Finally, I found what was making them so sick – a big eel had gotten inside his
pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about ten inches
long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
Whatchamaclit, when sis saw it, she got really scared, her eyes got big and her
mouth fell open and she started calling to God and what not. She said it was the
biggest one shed ever seen – I should tell her about the ones down at the lake.
Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a
sudden she made a noise and let the eel go, I guess it bit her back. Then she
grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his
pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he
helped her by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a helluva fight. Sis
started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess
they wanted to kill the eel.
After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up
and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung
there limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were
a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He
started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasnt dead! It jumped
straight up and started to fight again, I guess that eels are like cats, they
have nine lives or something.
This time, sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a
35-minute struggle they finally killed it again. I knew it was dead this time
because I saw siss boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden.
When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.
She turned pale. No, Johnny! Stop! Thats horrible! You cant eat worms!
Trying to convince him further, Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.
No, she isnt, said Johnny.
Why not?
Because I ate her first!
A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.
His dad says, Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, Dad, she said, Yes!.
OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.
A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. Dad, she said, Yes! also!
His dad told him, There you go.
His son looked at him, puzzled. Dad I still dont understand.
Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.
Little Willie had a gambling problem. Hed bet on anything. One day, Willies father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. Mr.Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie a real lesson. Well trap him into a big wager that hell lose.
Willies father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers with the other children, and she said, Willie, I want you to remain after class.
When the others had left the classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could say a word, he said, Dont say it, Miss Brown; I know what youre going to say, but youre a liar!
Willie! the startled teacher said. What are you talking about.
Your a fake! Willie continued.How can I believe anything you tell me? Youve got this blond hair on top, but Ive seen your bush and its pitch black!
Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, Willie that isnt true.
Ill bet a dollar it is ! Willie challenged.
The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson.Make it five dollars and you have a bet, she said.
Youre on! Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone could come into the room, Miss Brown. dropped her panties, spread her legs, and showed Willie that her pubic hair was as blond as the hair on top of her head.
Willie hung his head. You win, he said, handing her the fiver. Miss. Brown couldnt wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to call his father. She reported what had happened. Mr. Gaines, she said, I think weve finally taught him his lesson.
The hell we have, the father muttered. This morning Willie bet me ten dollars that hed see your pussy before the day was over.
Dirty Ernie was sitting in his second grade class when he looked out the window and saw two dogs screwing in the school yard. He jumped up and hollered, Hey, everyone! look at that!
The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind.
A little girl in the front row said, Teacher, what was those two dogs doing?
The teacher said that the dog on top had a broken leg, and the dog on the bottom was helping him get home.
Dirty Ernie then said, Teacher, aint that just like life, you try to help someone out and end up getting screwed?
6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said I think its about time we start swearing. Dont you?
Little Johnny nodded in agreement.
Marilyn said Ok, I say ass and you say hell.
Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.
Marilyn replied Well hell mom, Ill have some Cheerios.
Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.
Little Johnny said I dont know, but you bet your ass it wont be Cheerios!
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his moms bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, I need a man, I need a man!
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!