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A man was sitting with a few beers watching T.V.

When his wife came home she opened the door to the house and said to her husband Honey could please fix this door, its gonna fall off. He replied Do I look like I have Mitre10 on my head



She said nothing. Later she asked him to fix the ladder so she could change the light bulb and he said Do I look like I have HandyMan on my head?.



Then she asked if he could wash the car and he said to her Do I look like I have Shell Service station on my head?



He became so mad he said Im sick of you, get out of my way – Im going to the pub.





When he came home late that night he noticed the door, light and car had all been fixed.



How did you do that? he asked his wife.



She told him that when she had been sitting on the doorstep crying when he left and a nice man asked if he could help her. She told him what had happened and he said that all she had to do for payment was bake him a cake or have sex with him.



Her husband asked What kind of cake did you make



To which she replied Do I look like I have BettyCrocker on my head?

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How many forum readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

51. One to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to try and screw them in without even removing the old bulb, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process over again.

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Three – one to change the light bulb and two to say Oh Wow!

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.

Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, if he wants to sit in the dark, its his business.

Q: How many Ann Arborites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just start a Coping With Darkness support group.

Note: Ann Arbor is a where, not a who. Its the home of the University of Michigan, which has a fairly liberal reputation.)

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Seven.

One to change the light bulb.

Three to protest the offense committed by the light bulb in regards
to the socket.

Two to secretly wish they were the socket.

One to secretly wish she was the light bulb.

None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.