Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, Youve got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snakes body for a few minutes, he asserted, Well, youre scaly, youre slimy, youve got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and youve got a forked tongue. I think youre a lawyer!

~ Downsizing is good, right? Then lets fire Uncle Sam!





~ Put politicians in their place - Landfills!





~ We will never have great leaders as long as we mistake



education for intelligence, ambition for ability, and



a winning smile for integrity!





~ Only lawyers get to be judges, and thats the (F)LAW!

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: Have you ever been arrested?

He answered no to the question.

The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was why? Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it Never got caught.

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said Im a doctor, I save lives, so I must live, and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, Im a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, My son, Ive lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack.

A man driving up to a ski lodge in Colorado this winter had the misfortune to get stuck in the snow along the way. Looking forward to his vacation, he walked the remaining 3 miles through the snowstorm to the lodge. When he arrived, he noticed a group of lawyers sitting around the fireplace, who did not make room for him to warm himself. One of them noticed how bad he looked and commented You look like you been to Hell and back!. While another said Maybe you can tell us what its really like there!. The man replied, Its pretty much the same as here: all the lawyers are closest to the fire.

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, Weve been waiting a long time for you.

What do you mean, he replied, Im only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?

45? Youre not 45, youre 82, replied the angel.

Wait a minute. If you think Im 82 then you have the wrong guy. Im only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.

Hold on. Let me go check, said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82…

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his clients jury to hold out
for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state.

The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict.

When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

Sure did, the juror replied, the other eleven wanted to acquit.

One day in contract law class, a professor asked one of his better students, Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it? The student replied, Heres an orange. The professor was livid. No! No! Think like a lawyer! the Professor instructed. The student then recited, Okay, Id tell him, I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…

Lawyer: Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?

Client: After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.

Whats the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.