Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Moshe is driving around in a car park, but to his dismay, he cannot find a parking space. He drives around for half an hour then looks up to the heavens and says:

Excuse me? Its Moshe. G-d I really need your help. I cant find a parking space. I promise if you find me one I will go to shul every week and I will keep every Jewish law ever written!

Just then, a parking space appears in front of him. Moshe looks up to the sky again and says:

Actually, dont worry G-d, I just found one!

Jewish existentialist:


Walk on air but not against the traffic lights.

Two fathers and a rabbi decided to go swimming in a local lake one HOT day. So, they stripped and went swimming. As they were getting out, some ladies were strolling by the lake. One father yelled, Cover your privates! So both fathers covered that area, but the rabbi covered his face. Later, the other father asked, Why did you cover your face? The rabbi answered, I dont know for you two, but itd be my face theyd recognise.

Moses is in the desert and he sees a


burning bush.He approaches and he hears


a voice.My name is Moses,what about you?


he sad.I AM is My name,and I am the Lord


of your forefathers!;Nice to meet you,


I am!;Tell Me, Moses, dont you feel


lonely in this desert?Oh,yeah,very lonely…


Dont you miss your jewish brothers?


Oh,yeah,very much…Dont you miss


your teachers?Oh,yes,i miss them lot


Dont you miss bathing in the Nile?


Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss


that cold water…Dont you miss your


mother,Moses? Moses starts to cry,and


he whispers through his tears:Very much


WHY DONT YOU PAY HER A VISIT? Oh,I cant


the faraoh wants to kill me He will not,


I will be with you every step Are you sure?


Sure is my middle nameWill you do that for me? Of course I will,Moses, as I promised


Thank you,Lord!and Moses start his journey


to Egypt.Moses, wait! Yes, Lord?


Can I ask you a favour?Anything,My Lord!


Well, if you go to the pallace,to


see your mother,please pay a visit to


the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?

a jewish mom is walking to the store on her way there she finds a 100 dollar bill and go in the store to buy some jewish candy but she cant couse the cash is mexica money so she gets the candy and goes up to the cashier and says this is all i whant ok thatll be 2.50 so she gives the money to him and he says this is mexican money you stopid jew!

There was a little piece of Jewish cheese


and when he gave a big Jewish sneeze


he fell over and couldnt get back up


Then one day he saw a piece of Jewish clay


and deseided to make himself Jewish legs


when he was done he went to John


and said Im not finished

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They must be British.

Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.

No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is paradise. They are Russian Jews.

What happened to the Jewish man with an erection, who walked into a wall?

He broke his nose!

There was a young fellow who emigrated from Russia to Texas. He worked hard and prospered. He had a good life and sent for his father to join him.


His father looked like a religious Jew. The son decided hed be happier if his appearance were more that of a native Texan. So, he brought him into a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. He then had him fitted with a tall Texan hat.


After all that, he noticed his father was crying. When his son asked why, his dad relied, Im crying because we lost the Alamo.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, What is this - a joke?!