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PROCRASTINATORS CREED

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truely believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. If at first I dont succeed, there is always next year.
8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words.

1st he went to his Brother and asked Could you give me a spelling word? His Brother answered ShutUp So he wrote down Shutup.

2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered Certainly He wrote down certinly.

3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop.

4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered In my Little Blue Car

The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked Do you want to go to the principles office? He said is second word Certainly. In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered Lolipop!! Then the principal asked What do you think your punishment should be? The boy answered To go in my Little Blue Car!!!!

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, Well, it looks plastic. Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, But it feels like rubber.

Curious, the attorney asked, What do you have there?

The drunk replied, I dont know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.

The attorney responded, Let me take a look.

So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure dont know what it is. Where did you get it?

The drunk replied, Out of my nose!

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, You see, its like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, cause its sooooooooooo much cheaper. So I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she….

You have your money and your friend,

You loan your money to your friend,

You ask your money from your friend,

You lose your money and your friend.

Make new friends,

But keep the old,

The first are silver

The latter, gold.

Because they irritate the crap out of you!

A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th. Im telling you so early because its so important. I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with the letters BU. Its very important that you include the letter B with the letter U; you may miss the importance of the event without it.

So go now, and mark your calendars. Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar, so you dont forget: May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U….