Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon.
A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig.
A baby jackass will always become a jackass.
A puppy quickly matures into a dog;
a mongrel pup develops into a cur.
Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:
I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldnt steal pituitaries.
Damn, Ill burn you into a BBQ chicken!
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
Quiet or Ill blow your throat up.
You always use violence. I shouldve ordered glutinous rice chicken.
Ill fire aimlessly if you dont come out!
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your legs hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
And finally…
Take my advice, or Ill spank you without pants.
Rainy WWW
~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS? PREGNANT
~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL BEHIND A STEERING WHEEL? AN AIRBAG
~WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A SPICE GIRLS EYES? THE BACK OF HER HEAD
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
I want to get screwed, said the man.
OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot, answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
Hey, exclaimed the sport, I want to get screwed!
What? said the voice, Again?
Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends?
On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying “Pass the sugar, sugar…. Pass the honey, honey.” Then he says, “Pass the tea, you old bag.”
Rush Limbaugh is being driven through the country and when he nears a farm, the chauffeur accidentally runs over a pig. Rush Limbaugh says that the chauffuer better go in and apologize and pay for the pig. The chauffuer is in there for 10 hours. When he comes out, Rush Limbaugh asks what happened and the chauffeur says, Well, I went in and told them and the farmer gave me a feast and the mother and daughter gave me incredible sex for 7 hours!! Well, what did you say?! cries Rush Limbaugh jealously. Oh, I told them that I was Rush Limbaughs chauffeur and Id just killed the pig.
G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you. She calls Tony Blair in and asks, Tony, your parents had a baby. It isnt your sister and it isnt your brother. Who is it?
Tony Blair replies, Its me!
So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, Dick, your parents had a baby. It isnt your sister and it isnt your brother. Who is it?
And Cheney says, Wow, thats a tough one. Let me get back to you.
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, Colin, your parents had a baby. It isnt your sister and it isnt your brother. Who is it? And Colin Powell says, Its me!
So Cheney calls Bush and says, Its Colin Powell.
And Bush says, No, you idiot! Its Tony Blair!
A car drives up to a farmers house, a man gets out, knocks on the door, and the farmer opens it. A friend told me you have a mule that points quail, said the stranger, is that true?? Sure is, said the farmer, would you like to see him work? The strangers said, Sure. Soon they were walking through a field, when the mule suddenly stopped and struck a beautiful point. The farmer walks ahead of the mule and scares up a big covey of quail. This goes on a half dozen more times…the mule points…the farmer scares up the covey. Finally, the stranger says, Thats enough, Ive got to have that mule. He aint for sale, said the farmer. Ill give you $50,000.00 for him, said the stranger. Well, the farmer couldnt refuse such a big offer, so he sold him. The next night, the farmers phone rang…it was the stranger. What the hells wrong with this damed mule you sold me?, he screamed…all hes done all day is stand belly deep in my pond!! Well, said the farmer, I guess I shoulda told you……hed rather fish than hunt.
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.