An old hearing impaired gentleman visited his doctor and he had been warned to be careful as he had a heart murmur.
The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. Dont you remember what I told you the other day? he inquired.
Oh, I surely do. the old gent replied, Best dang advice I ever had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama and Im cheerful
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Financially Secure means: One paycheck from the street
Free spirit means: Substance abuser
Friendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?
Hes tan, hes cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise
Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say focus,…breath…push…
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, to go somewhere and neck. After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.
Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
Introduction to Parking.
Q. How do you scare a man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
How To Accept Criticism or When To Give Up On Cooking
Telltales Sounds Associated With Auto Collisions
Toilet Paper And The Loss Of The Rain Forests: The Vital Connection
A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, Whats the problem? Wouldnt your cat eat them?
The womans eyes got very large, and she whispered, Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for cats?
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages… only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
At any age, a man is like Iran – ruled by a dick