Sign on fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Sign in a car dealership office: The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.
Sign over a cannibals hut: I never met a man I didnt like.
Sign in a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. Well hear you coming.
Sign at a hotel. Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Sign seen in London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: Closed for official opening.
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Sign in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Sign in a Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: Please do not disturb further.
Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
Sign in a veterinarys waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
Notice in a dry cleaners window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE – XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: Belt your family. Its the law.
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: Broken English spoken perfectly
At an Applebees restaraunt: NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!
Fitness Center sign: Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself – regardless of the facts.
Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)
On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: Safety ladder, climb at own risk.
Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!
Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: Run like Anything!
Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.
Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESNT WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESNT KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographers studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Sign in a restaurant window: T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12
A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: Todays special. Below it says: Sos tomorrow.
Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies cant be wrong).
Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: Drive carefully. Well wait.
Sign in a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
At my Universitys Student center Bathrooms: If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police.
In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance.
Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: Rest Area Next Right – the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
A sign in the local opportunity shop says, If your going to steal, then smile for the camera.