Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

His parents had just moved to town, and it was his first day in first
grade at the new school. He was really nervous, but he didnt do so badly,
he learned to count to 50, when most of the other kids could
only count to 30, (some kids got to 35, but our boy got all the way to 50
and only missed a couple of numbers)

Our hero was so excited, that when he got home he told his dad
how well he had done in school. His dad said Son, you did so well
becuase youre an [ethnic].

The next day the kids learned the alphabet in school. Most of th ekids got
as far as M or Q, but our hero got all the way to Z, and only missed
a couple of letters.

That evening, bursting with pride, he told his dad how he had done better
than all the other students
on the alphabet. His dad said Son, you did so well
becuase youre an [ethnic].

The next day, in gym class, our hero notced that he was a bit more
developed than any of the other boys. That night he asked his dad
if was bigger than the other boys because he was an [ethnic]?

No, son, his dad told him, Youre bigger than the other boy becuase
youre eighteen.

Q: What do you call 2 blacks in a golden sleeping bag?

A: Twix

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, Why does it work?

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, How does it work?

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, How much will it cost?

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, Do you want fries with that?

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

Lazlos Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats - approximately one billion Chinese couldnt care less.

668: The Neighbor of the Beast

Some mornings, its just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

Her kisses left something to be desired - the rest of her.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Always try to do things in chronological order; its less confusing that way.

I couldnt wait for success, so I went on without it.

Life is antagonistic to the living.

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they dont realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Isnt your pants zipper supposed to be in the front?

An Irishman, Englishman andScotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands themover, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.The Englishman looksdisgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.The Scotsman picks out thefly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.The Irishman reaches in tothe glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit itout, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Octopus?

I dont know, but it sure can pick tomatoes.

An Irishman was in the South of France and could not understand why Pierre had attracted so many girls on the beach and he had attracted no one. So he asked Pierre, How do you manage to attract all the girls and I attract no one?



Pierre said, Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming costume, it drives the women wild.



So the Irishman stuffed a potato in his costume and paraded up and down the beach. After a great many hours, however, he still failed to arouse a woman.



So the Irishman went to see Pierre again and said, Ive tried it Pierre, it doesnt work!



Pierre took one look at the Irishman and said, You might try putting the potato in the front of your bathing suit!

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when
a visitor turned to the keeper and said, Thats a docile old thing, isnt it?

No way, said the keeper, its the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.

Hardly seems possible, said the astonished visitor, but why is it lying there licking its arse?

The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.
The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, Sorry, I cant do it.
The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. Sorry, I cant. he says.
The last man enters the office and the inverviewer said yet again explains the test. The man takes the gun and goes into the room. The Agent hears 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man comes out of the room and says, Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!

1. Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3.Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America… do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America… do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we wont miss a call from someone we didnt want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America… do we use the word politics to describe the process so well: Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

10. Only in America… do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,thats for us Mexicans one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday,and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february,one for march………