The British Decline
Great Britain used to be an Empire, ruled by an Emperor.Then it was a Kingdom, ruled by a King.Now its a Country.
Archive for the "Ethnic" Category
Two [ethnic] people went hunting
Two [ethnic] people went hunting in the woods and got terribly
lost.
The first [ethnic] said, hey, I know what to do, the international
sign for SOS is three shots in the air.
so he tried it.
They waited, nothing happened. he tried again.
They waited for two hours, extremely hungry tired and
desparate, the two [ethnic] people began to believe their lives were
lost forever. Finally the first [ethnic] person looked at the second
[ethnic] person and said, Well this is our last and only hope left, we
only have three arrows left.
Gender Designations
Many Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even inanimate objects a gender. In Spanish, for example, this determines whether you use el or la in front of the noun. If English designated things as either male or female, here are a few recommendations:SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
HAMMER: Male, because it hasnt evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but its handy to have around.
HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, theres the hot air part.
HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
REMOTE CONTROL: Female! Consider this: It gives a man pleasure. Hed be lost without it. And while he doesnt always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
SHOES: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
TIRES: Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They must be British. Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French. No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is paradise. They are Russian.
Aussie Cricket
This Australian cricket supporter is at the World Cup final when he has a heart attack. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, he meets up with St. Peter, who asks him why he thinks he deserves to enter Heaven.
Well, the Aussie says, three weeks ago I gave ten dollars to a charity for the disabled!
St. Peter frowns and says, What else?
Two weeks ago I gave ten dollars to the homeless shelter! the Aussie continues.
What else?
A week ago I gave ten dollars to the orphanage!
So Peter tells the Aussie to wait for just a minute and hell be right back. About five minutes later Peter returns and says, Well, I have discussed your case with the Boss, and he agrees with me. Heres your thirty dollars back, now go to Hell!
Buried at Sea
This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass Id like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons… Funeral arrangements havent yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."
Polak Locked His Keys In Car
Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
Polish Chicken Farm
Some Polish people decide to start a chicken farm. They get some chickens and plant them in the ground, headfirst. When all the chickens die, the farmers are somewhat confused, but they dont give up. They get some more chickens, but these are planted feet-first. It takes a little longer, but eventually the second batch of chickens die, too. They decide to write a letter to the Polish agriculture bureau. In the letter they explain in detail the procedures they have followed and their disappointing results. A few weeks later they receive this reply from the bureau: Before we can advise you, please send us a soil sample.
How many Polish people does it take to milk a cow?
How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?
9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.
What do you call an
What do you call an [enthnic] in a limousine?
- A Chauffeur.