Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who studied for 5 days?

A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.

The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.

Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.

The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.

He responded by saying, Because I pack my own lunch.

Paddy and Mike had just arrived in New York from Dublin and were walking
around the city. Since they didnt know about traffic signals they crossed
the street at will and were almost hit several times. Finally, Officer
Flaherty spots them and comes running up, yelling, Are ye daft, crossin
on the red? Pardon us, constable, Paddy says, but weve just come from
the Old Country. Ah, well, the cop says, that explains it. Listen,
you only cross when the light is green. Ya got that?…only on the green!
So Paddy and Mike continue their walk, and they wait on the orange and red
and only cross on the green. After they wait through a few orange and red
lights, Paddy turns to Mike and says, They dont give the Protestants much
time to get across, do they?

What does an [ethnic] call his pet zebra?

Spot!

This little drama was told me by one of the Polish students in Oxford.
Apparently it was a popular joke in Poland during the late 80s.

Jocelyn Paine

[ Scene : The White House ]

Presidential Aide - Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just
landed on the Moon! And theyve started to paint it
red! What shall we do?

Ronnie - Come back when theyve finished, son.

P.A. [later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter
of the moon red!

Ronnie - Dont worry about it, son. Tell me when theyve finished.

P.A. [still later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the
moon red! Arent you going to do anything?

Ronnie - Nope, not yet.

P.A. [still later and even more anxious]
- Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted
THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir?
Please, Sir?

Ronnie - [ as before ]

P.A. - Mr Reagan. Theyve painted the WHOLE moon red!

Ronnie - OK. Now call NASA, and tell them to get a rocket up there,
with plenty of white paint, and paint Coca-Cola across
it.

Do you know why Mexicans eat refried beans?

- Have you ever heard of one doing something right the first time?

An Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.

The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this
co-operative venture is taking place, and that he never expected
the English to go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of
Europe.

Oh thats nothing, says the Englishman, You should have seen
the trouble we had digging the Channel in the first place!

Ratio of an igloos circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
1 millionth cup of mouthwash = 1 microscope
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = Mach Turtle
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because its less filling = 1 light year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
1/2 large intestine = 1 semicolon
1000 aches = 1 megahertz
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
Given the old adage a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, the first step of a one-mile journey = 1 Milwaukee

Why dont Mexicans teach drivers Ed. and Sex Education on the same day?

Because they dont want to wear out the donkey.

A father one day notices that his son is coming of age. He decides to take his son into town to learn the facts of life from a skilled women. They ride into town from the Australian outback and tie up at the local cathouse.The father sends his son upstairs. When the son is alone with the lady, she takes off her skirt. The son picks up a chair and thows it out the window. The lady thinks this is a bit odd, but she takes off her shirt. The son throws a lamp out the window. The woman removes her bra, the son tosses the table. Finally, the women removes her shorts; the son tosses the bed out the window.The lady can no longer contain her curiosity; she exclaims, What in the heck are you doing?!The son explains, Well, if this is anything like kangaroos, were going to need an awful lot of room!