A diet limerick
Along comes another
new diet.
And of course I just have to try it.
So I part with my dough,
But the pounds never go;
"Oh waiter, more chicken –and fry it!"
Archive for the "Diet / Weight Loss" Category
Fat Theology
In the beginning,
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green
and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonalds. And McDonalds brought forth the double-cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the
roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra
pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels.
And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "Youre running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre
into crisps and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.And
Man clutched his remote control and ate the crisps swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Ode to Dr Atkins
Ive developed
halitosis
My urine is rank and yellow
Yet Im a happy fellow
In the midst of Ketosis
Salmon and steaks,
Deviled eggs and cheese
Make no mistake:
Atkins is a breeze
The pounds drop away
A few each energetic day
Will it be the Boston Marathon
Or the New York ballet?
Food is a joy, not a sin
And Im down to one chin
I feel eighteen again
No pain, yet I dont gain
Thanks Dr. Atkins for protein,
And making me lean
Once a major carb freak,
Now Im getting sleek
I ate candy and drank sugar pop
But you made me stop
All those other diets are a crock
And Im in your debt, Doc
I know this is bad verse
But I feel like Mr. Universe
And I had to tell somebody
About my new body.
The Post Christmas Exercise Programme
This is great and
really works, I feel fab now !!
At last a sensible exercise programme to burn off the calories after
that third helping of pudding…
If youre over 25 you might want to take it easy at first, then do it
faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise programme.
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Thats enough for the first day. Have some chocolate.
The Dieters Prayer
My appetite is
my shepherd, I always want.
It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly,
Sometimes during the night.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I knoweth I gain I will not stop eating,
For the food tasteth so good.
The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me.
For I knoweth that I soon shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously,
My clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and flabbiness shall follow me
All the days of my life.
And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever.
Lets eat!
Slimming advice
My advice if you
insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like-just dont swallow it.
~ Harry Secombe
My wife is a light eater
"My wife is
a light eater. As soon as it gets light, she starts to eat."
~ Henny Youngman
