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Chocolate is derived
from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both of them
are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate bars also contain milk,
which contains calcium.
So, chocolate bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds.
Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew), and you will lose
10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
Thats why I had to pass this on - - - I didnt want to risk it.

What did the Catholic
Church call its new fat-free, low-calorie communion wafer?
"I cant believe its not Jesus!"

A rather large
gentleman whose name was Paul was married to a woman who was as heavy
as he was, if not more so. They had two children. All their friends quietly
wondered how they had managed to conceive.
One evening at the bar a friend of Pauls got up the nerve to ask him,
how it was possible that he and his wife conceived their children, being
as large as they are.
To this Paul replied:
"You guys with small dicks are always asking me that!"

Have you heard
of the NO-CARB Diet for 2004?
NO C-heney

NO A-shcroft

NO R-umsfeld

NO B-ush
and absolutely NO RICE!

- If youve got
melted chocolate all over your hands, youre eating it too slowly.
- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
- The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the shop in
a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the car park.
- Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. Itll take the edge
off your appetite and youll eat less.
- A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
in one place. Isnt that handy?
- If you cant eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But
if you cant eat all your chocolate, whats wrong with you?
- If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate
to protect themselves.
- Money talks. Chocolate sings.
-Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

-If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top tights.
An entire garment industry would be devastated.
- Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to
do today. That way, at least youll get one thing done.

1. If you eat something,
but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet coke whilst eating a chocolate bar, the calories
in the chocolate bar are cancelled by the diet coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories dont count as long as you
dont eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate,
brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of
the entertainment package and not part of ones personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie
causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not
strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off
knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: peanut butter on a knife,
ice cream on a spoon
10. Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples
are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate
is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other.

Every womans Mr. Right?
Download the Diet
Coke spoof movie.( This movie is Mpeg encoded.)

Q: Why
did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?

A: He thought it was diet coke.

This is a specially
formulated diet, designed to help you cope with the stress that builds
up during the day:
BREAKFAST

1 grapefruit

1 slice whole wheat toast

1 cup skim milk
LUNCH

Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a

cup of spinach

1 cup herbal tea

1 chocolate biscuit
AFTERNOON TEA

The rest of the chocolate biscuits in the packet

1 tub of Rocky Road ice cream with Choc-ice topping

1 jar nutella
DINNER

4 bottles of red wine

2 loaves garlic bread

1 family size supreme pizza
LATE NIGHT SNACK

Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten

directly from freezer)

Im fat, but Im
thin inside. Has it ever struck you that theres a thin man inside every
fat man, just as they say theres a statue inside every block of stone?

~ George Orwell