Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

There was once a man who could not get his penis up.
His wife was sad. They had no fun,
So one day the man went to the doctors
to get a perscription for his problem.
We dont like to just give drugs out the doctor said.
I want you to try something and if it doesnt work come back.
What? the man asked.
When your wife is asleep,
Stick your finger in her pussy
and sniff your fingers.
Do you think it will really work?
The doctor was sure.
So, the next night when his wife lay next to him in bed,
he did what the doctor said.
He sniffed those fingers and found them to be good.
He realized it worked, he realized he could.
Honey, Honey!! he called. Wake up!
With a grunt she turned on the light,
looked her husband in the face, and said

You woke me to tell me you have a nose bleed!!

Why Did Snoop Dogg Carry an Umbrella????

Fo Drizzal

these two guys walk across a field but soon get stopped by the owner. the owner is mad cuz he doesnt like anybody walking in his field. anyway he tells the two men that unless they dont do what he tells them to he will shoot their heads off. so the owner lets them sleep in his barn for one day. late that night when they two men were sleeping the owner came and woke both of them up and told them to go out in the field and pick out any fruit or vegetable of their choice. so the two men obeyed and went. one of the men came back with a melon then the owner told him to bend over and shove it up his ass. the the man started laughing and the owner was asking why is he laughing at a moment like this then the guy said because my friend out there is picking a watermelon!

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, dont panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are…You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesnt move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldnt, use the duct tape.

9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are I apologize and You are right.

10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

11. Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.

12 If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

13. And Finally….. Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

This right here is one of the best jokes ever. No matter what all my friends say.

Q: What did the Cow who crossed the road say to the other cow who didnt?

A: Chicken!

why did the silly boy stand on his head?

because his feet where tired.

YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT
SHE ROLLED DOWN A BARBIES
CANYON!

Q. How do you get rid of a boomerang?

A: Throw it down a one way street.

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

- To get to KFC !

A guy walks into a construction site, sets down his football bat, and orders a beer. The flamingo looks at him and says, Ill bet you $5.00 that you cant stand on your own neck.

The guy replies, Well, if youre out of grilled cheese, then I dont do pianos!