Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Included subliminal Impeach Janet Reno messages in start-up screen.
New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in .gov, a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly.
Source code no longer ones and zeros - try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, Heres to my sweet Satan.
Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T.
New desktop icon - click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund.
Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products.
Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me.
TV function scrambles C-Span during antitrust hearings.
Desktop display with countdown tracking number of copies of Windows 98 that must yet be bought to prevent worldwide economic collapse!
Last-minute name change: was Windows 98, now Windows: Assimilate.

IBM: I Blame Microsoft.

X-files virus:
All your Icons start shape shifting

Spice Girl virus:
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop

Ronald Reagan virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus:
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them

Sonny Bono virus:
Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where

Martha Stewart virus:
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop

AT&T virus:
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting

MCI virus:
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that youre paying too much for the AT&T virus

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. Itll be back

[To the tune of American Pie]

A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.

But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy theyd deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage.

I cant remember if I cried
when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so.

And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow?

Well I know you sold the service short
Cause I saw your quarterly report.

Steve Case sold off his stock
It fell just like a rock.

It was a crazy, costly high-tech play
As they slashed away at what subscribers pay
And half their users went away
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

Well for two days weve been on our own
And dial-ins click on a rolling phone
But thats not how it used to be

When the mogul came to Virginia court
With an OS icon and a browser port
And a desktop that looked like Apple III.

And while Jim Clark was looking down
The mogul stole his thorny crown

The browser war was turned.
Mozilla…was spurned.

And while Steve left users out to bond
With hosts unable to respond
6 million newbies all were conned
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

Da Chronic ducked their software guards
And stole a million credit cards
To use accounts hed gotten free.

And so Steve Case went to the FBI
and he told Boardwatch a little lie
That hackers wanted child pornography But while Steve Case was looking down
The hackers pulled his e-mail down

They put it on the net.
He cant be trusted yet!

And while user cynicism climbs
At sign-on ads and welcome rhymes
They scan their e-mail for Good Times
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

Helter-skelter billing needs a melter
The lawyers filed a class-action shelter
Eight million in lawyers fees.

But it looks like some attorney jibe
an hour if they resubscribe.
To a service marketed for free

Well I KNOW youre raking in the bucks
Cause Im reading alt.aol-sucks.

Until we bless the suit
The settlement is moot.

If AOL treats you like the Borg
Then visit aolsucks.org
Before some router pulls the cord…
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

Bill Razzouk, the head-to-be
sold off his home in Tennessee
And headed for a 4-month end.

Was he sad or just incensed
when Case offered him his thirty cents.
Billing is the devils only friend.

But as I read him on the page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.

No Welcome born in hell
could ring that chatroom bell.

And as chat freaks cried into the night
CompuServe read their last rites.
I saw Earthlink laughing with delight
the day the service died.

So bye bye to Amerca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and its working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying thisll be the day that they die.
Thisll be the day that they die.

I met a girl in Lobby 9
And I asked her if shed stay on-line.
But she just frowned and looked away.

And I went back to the Member Lounge
To see what loyalty I could scrounge
But Room Host said the members went away…

And on the net the modems scream
At faster speeds and data streams.

And not a tear was spoken.
The hourly fees were broken.

And the three men that I hated most
Ted, and Steve, and Razzouks ghost
They couldnt dial up the host
The day the service died.

IBM: I Believe in Memorex

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldnt work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked What power switch?

Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

11. I find it hard to concentrate without 20 fans running. 10. I needed a home for my dust bunnies. 9. My plans to open a computer museum, might just get venture capital someday. 8. Three more and I can host a LAN party. 7. The command line will make a comeback, and I want to be ready. 6. Maybe the burglars will steal the old one instead of the new one. 5. When you get a new friend, do you get rid of the old ones? 4. Where else could you get a space heater that also runs Seti@home. 3. Its not obsolete, its previously functional. 2. So I can complain about how slow the new Microsoft operating system runs on it. 1. You never know when your first three computers go down and you need a fourth back up.

At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line Free Money, DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR.

Once a computer is infected, it will be TOO LATE. Your computer will begin to emit a vile ODOR. Then it will secrete a foul, milky DISCHARGE. Verily, it shall SCREECH with the tortured, monitor-shattering SCREAM of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike. After violently ripping itself from the wall, your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS into the night, HOWLING like a BANSHEE. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days TORTURING household PETS and MOCKING the POPE.

Some filthy, disgusting miscreant . . . some no-good, low-down, good-for-nothing DIRTY SNAKE, in twisted pursuit of her own sadistic dreams, is sending this virus across the Net via an e- mail entitled Free Money. What is so terrifying about this virus is that you do not even to have to open the e-mail for it to activate. In fact, you do not even need to RECEIVE the e- mail. You do not even need to OWN a COMPUTER. Free Money can infect even minor HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES.

How it does this with straight ASCII code is, frankly, a matter of some debate . . . but BELIEVE YOU US, if this werent a SERIOUS situation, we wouldnt be discussing it in ALL CAPS.

So for the LOVE OF GOD, forward this e-mail to all those you claim to care about, all those you purport to love. Dont do it later! Do it NOW! Now! Now! NOW! NOW! NOW!