Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Its not hard to meet expenses, theyre everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some dont have film.

Seen it all, done it all, cant remember most of it.

I dont have a dirty mind. (I wash it every day…)

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.

I.R.S.: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got!

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

What is a free gift ? Arent all gifts free?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A woman driver is heading down the expressway, when all of a sudden the woman sees a tree to her left, a tree to her right, and a tree directly in front of her, so she swerves and hits a guardrail.

Later, a cop arrives and ask her what happened, to which she replied,I saw a tree to my left, a tree to my right, and a tree directly in front of me!

The cop says, Maam, there ARE trees on both sides of the road, but the one you saw directly in front of you was your air freshener.

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girls best friend.

Im not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I is a college student.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

If you are psychic – think HONK

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Youre just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Dont get me mad! Im running out of places to hide the bodies!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who dont.

I feel like Im diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Hes not dead, hes electroencephalographically challenged.

Shes always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Its as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

If you dont like the news, go out and make some.

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Sorry, I dont date outside my species.

I may be fat, but youre ugly – I can lose weight!

No Radio – Already Stolen

Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

If we arent supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Anarchy is better than no government at all.

Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

Death is lifes way of telling you youve been fired.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Im out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who cant.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!

BAD COP! – NO DONUT!!!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.