Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots.
During the sessions on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept
of sublimation - the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the
intermediate stage(s). e.g., frost - water vapor in the air becoming a
solid on surfaces without first going through the liquid stage.

Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked
if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a
solid to a gas (expecting dry ice as the answer), a previously unknown
section of my mind took control of my mouth and immediately emitted the word
burrito.

It took the instructor about 10 minutes to regain an academic composure.

Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:

Two Cajuns, Rober and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.

The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.

Boys, he said, Ill be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, theres no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you wont be able to take but one out of here.

Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.

On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on a moose, grinning broadly.

OK, said the pilot, which moose are we going to take back?

Why, both of them, said Rober, we got to take these meese back to show that we are both as good as the other.

No, no, NO, said the pilot, I told you that the plane could bring back only ONE moose.

Whats the matter? asked Maurice, aint yo plane good enough to carry one little ol extra moose? We got two meese on a plane just like this one last year.

OK, agrees the pilot, aint nobody going to out-fly me around here. If you got two moose on that plane, you can get two moose on my plane.

So, they load up, take off, and the plane, as predicted, cant handle the extra load, and they CRASH.

The two Cajuns wake up in adjacent tree tops, and Rober asks, Where ARE we?

Maurice reponds, About 100 yards further that we were last year!

A farmer and his wife went to a county fair and were fascinated by a barnstorming pilot who was offering rides for $25. The farmer had never seen a plane close up and he certainly had never ridden in one.

Ill tell you what, said the pilot, if you and your wife can ride in the plane with me and not utter a single sound during the whole ride, Ill let you ride for free. Otherwise, you pay. How about it?

The farmer agreed and soon they were in the air. The pilot was determined to make his passengers shriek in terror. He did loops and flips and everything else he could think of, but the two passengers sitting behind him never made a sound.

After the ride, as the farmer was climbing out of the plane, the young pilot told the old man, I really am surprised, but as I said, you ride for free. I cant believe that you managed to keep silent for the whole ride.

Yep, said the farmer, but it was pretty tough. I almost screamed when my wife fell out.

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what the consider a marvelous new game.

Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.

Then, the paper reports: The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

- Audobon Magazine

A photographer for anational magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advisedthat a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived atthe airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane waswaiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Lets go!" The tense mansitting in the pilots seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air,though flying erratically.

"Fly over the northside of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-levelpasses."

"Why?" asked thenervous pilot.

"Because Im going totake pictures!" yelled the photographer. "Im a photographer, and photographerstake pictures!"

The pilot replied,"You mean youre not the flight instructor?"

There are five people on a plane thats crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, God bless me! Bill Gates jumps out and yells, God bless me and my bank account! Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, God bless me and my team! Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, God bless me and the New York Rangers! The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, God bless me and the people I land on!

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony. Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "Im going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy." Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."Not even noticing Britneys stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, Im going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier." At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and cant stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think Ill throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy."

Taken from this mornings Metro (7th June, London, UK):

A friendly greeting caused a major airport security alert when a man called Hi, Jack to a colleague on board an aircraft.

A SWAT team and dozens of police reinforcements were called to the Oakland International Airport near Detroit in the US.

Lt. Rick Crigger said, There was a guy on the plane named Jack, and someone walked in and said, Hi Jack. The mike just happened to be open and the tower heard it.

Thinking someone was hijacking the corporate jet, the FBI as well as police were called to prepare for a hostage situation. Air traffic controllers ordered the plane to return to the tower but, after a quick check on the identity of the pilot, the jet was cleared for take off.