Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Whats black and white and red all over?
An embarassed zebra!

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, If I decide to buy the bull, Ill contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.

The brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that Ive bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.

The telegraph operator explains that hell be glad to help her, then adds, Its just 99 cents a word.

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that shell only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, I want you to send her the word, comfortable.

The telegraph operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?

The brunette explains, My sisters a blonde. Shell read it slowly.

How do you catch a polar bear in Alaska?

First you go out and cut a hole in the ice. Then, you line the hole
with peas. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the
ice-hole.

Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A. Unique up on it.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way.

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.

If there was an animal called Yabba Dabba, and if you decided keep
it as a pet it your back yard, you will eventually step in Yabba
Dabba Doo!

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesnt know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where hes going with his donkey.
Anywhere I go, she goes.
Im sorry, sir, said the manager, but you cant take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and well take good care of her. So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesnt want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
Great! replied Bozo. How much do I have to pay? he asks.
One thousand dollars for the food.
But I havent touched the food.
It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV.
But I didnt even know how to turn the damn thing on!
It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed.
But I slept on the floor!
It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars.
You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.
But sir, I didnt screw your donkey.
It was there. You should have!

What do you call 3 blondes under a Christmas tree?

Ho-Ho-Ho!

Whats the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?

Ones an African lion, and the others a lion African.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers.

The bartendar just frowns and says, Look buddy, we cant have any dogs sitting up at the bar.

The owner retorts, But this is no ordinary dog. The bartendar doesnt budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave.

The owner protests, Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog.

The bartendar says, Yeah right buddy. Okay, why dont you and your talking dog leave the bar?

The owner says, Okay, Ill tell you what. Ill go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will.

So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartendar start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartendar starts to really like this dog. There talking about sports and beer and women.

So the bartendar comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, Look, I have a friend who owns the bar across the street. If I give you $20 will you go into the bar and order a beer from him? The dog says, No problem, and gets up and leaves.

The owner comes back and ask where his dog is. The bartenday explains about the joke. So the owner leaves to get his dog.

Right out of the bar, the owner sees his dog humping another lady dog. And the owner says, Hey, get off of her. Why have I never seen you doing this before? To which the dog replies, Because I have never had $20 before.