Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

Whats the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Maybe someday well find Bigfoot.

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived in a cave outside of a big city.

One night, one said to a another, “Im so hungry. Im going to go get something.”

“No dont! We have to wait for the others!”

“I dont care.” And off he went.

About 30 minutes later, he came back and was covered in blood.

The other vampire bat asked, “WHOA!! Where did you find all that blood?”

“You really want to see?” asked the bloody one. “Follow me.”

So the first bat leads the other bat to the city and points to a large black building and asks, “Do you see that building?”

“Yes,” came the reply.

To that the first says, “Well, I didnt.”

A man was out driving in his car when all of a sudden a rooster ran out in front of his car, he tried to miss it but unfortunately he ran over the rooster & killed it.

He decided that he should go & tell the farmer, so he got out of his car & walked across the road to the farm, walked up to the front door & knocked, the farmer came to the door & the man said Im afraid Ive killed your rooster, please let me replace him.

The farmer said Help yourself, the hens are out the back.

A lady approaches her priest and tells him Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
What do they say? the priest inquired.
They only know how to say, Hi, were prostitutes. Want to have some fun?
Thats terrible! the priest exclaimed, but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.
Thank you! the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priests house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say Hi were prostitutes, want to have some fun?
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!

One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.

He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail,he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head——

Do you know what the moral of the story is?

Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!

A baby Camel goes up to its mother and says Why do we have long eyelashes, and the mother replyTo stop sand getting in our eyes.

A few moments later the baby camel comes up to his mother and askes why do we have long toes and the mother replys To stop us from sinking in the sand.

A few moments later the baby camel walke up to his anyoed mother and sayWhy do we have these humps on our back and the mother replys to store water in them.

So we have eyelashed to stop sand from getting in our eyes, long toes to stop us sinking in the sand and humps to store water in, but mum, why are we in London zoo?

Two guys are talking about their bosss upcoming wedding, and one says, Its ridiculous! Sure, hes rich, but hes also 93 years old, and shes just 26! What kind of wedding is that?

The other says, Well, we have a name for that kind of wedding in my family.

Oh, yeah? What do you call it?

We call it a football wedding.

The first guy asks, Whats a football wedding?

The other guy laughs and says, Shes just waiting for him to kick off!

Have you heard my knock-knock joke? asked the blonde.
No, said the brunette.

Okay, said the blonde, you start.

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while hes drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyones amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, Did you see what your monkey did?

The guy says, No, what?

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!

Yeah, that doesnt surprise me, replied the guy. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. Ill pay for everything.

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, hes in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks.

No, what? replied the guy. Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it! said the bartender.

Yeah, that doesnt surprise me, replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
What the hell do you think youre doing?
Im a chiropractor, and Im just keeping in practice while Im waiting in line.
Well, Im a lawyer, but you dont see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?