Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

One day a little girl saw 2 dogs jumping on each other. She ran to her mother and said, Mom, those dogs are fighting!

Her mother said with a sly grin, Oh really? Then maybe your father and I should fight more often…

Why dont anteaters ever get sick?

Because theyre all full of anty bodies

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, Im so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!

The second says, Well Im so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!

Then the third rat gets up and says, Later guys, Im off home to harass the cat.

Q. What do you call a dog with no legs? A. Nothing - he cant come to you anyway

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef

Q. What do you call a group of cattle in a jacking off?
A. Beef Strohganoff

why did the chicken cross go by the underpass?

The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender give us two beers over here!

The bartender walks over and sees the octopus and he says, Didnt you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!

The man says to the bartender, oh but you dont understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.

The bartender replied back, well Ill tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!

The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.

The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. Hes so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!

The bartender was amazed and says, alright lets try one more.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says lets see him play this!

The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.

The bartender shouted out See I knew he couldnt play all these instruments!

And the man replies, Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he cant have sex with it, hell play it!

A: If they dropped them, theyd break.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.

The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants goal when the Elephants left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.

What the hell do you think youre doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?

The elephant replied, Well, I didnt mean to kill him — I was just trying to trip him up.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?

Farmer: Some things you just cant explain. Man: So what happened thats so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just cant explain. Man: Ok, but thats not so bad.

Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just cant explain.

Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just cant explain.

Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didnt have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in… Some things you just cant explain.