Bird vs. Fly
Whats the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly cant bird.
Archive for the "Animal" Category
The little puppy
One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.
He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off the very tip of his tail. He looked around to see what happen and the train cut off his head.
Do you know what the moral of the story is?
Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail!
mommy
One day a little girl saw 2 dogs jumping on each other. She ran to her mother and said, Mom, those dogs are fighting!
Her mother said with a sly grin, Oh really? Then maybe your father and I should fight more often…
Anteaters
Why dont anteaters ever get sick?
Because theyre all full of anty bodies
Three very tough mice
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, Im so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!
The second says, Well Im so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!
Then the third rat gets up and says, Later guys, Im off home to harass the cat.
Three in one
Q. What do you call a dog with no legs? A. Nothing - he cant come to you anyway
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef
Q. What do you call a group of cattle in a jacking off?
A. Beef Strohganoff
The chicken
why did the chicken cross go by the underpass?
Wifes Birthday
The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.
The Ocotpus!
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender give us two beers over here!
The bartender walks over and sees the octopus and he says, Didnt you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!
The man says to the bartender, oh but you dont understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.
The bartender replied back, well Ill tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. Hes so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, alright lets try one more.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says lets see him play this!
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out See I knew he couldnt play all these instruments!
And the man replies, Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he cant have sex with it, hell play it!
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, theyd break.
