Haios!Funny Jokes, Funny pictures, Free Flash Games, Wigi Games

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, Hey, lady! Youre really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! Youre really ugly!" She was incrediblyticked now, so she wentinto the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The storemanager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didnt say it again.The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said."Yes?""You know."

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. Ive seen it on T.V.

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lions team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.

Late in the first half the lions team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lions team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.

Look you guys. We can win this game. Weve got the lead and they only have one real threat. Weve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, hes a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhinos team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

Did you do this? he asked the centipede.

Yeah, I did. the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, Where were you during the first half?

I was putting on my shoes.

One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.

Then came the second half…

First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.

The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.

Who made that tackle? asked the ant.

I did, said the centipede.

Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.

Back in the huddle the flea asked, Who made that great stop? I did, said the centipede.

Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss.

Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, Where were you in the first half?

The centipede replied, Puttin on my shoes!

How do you catch a polar bear?

You dig a hole in the ice and place peas all around it, and when the
polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

A bear said to a rabbit,Do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur? The rabbit said,No, why? Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt.

A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

A: To a crow bar.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it?
You swim across — all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:

Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?

Father Patrick replied, I am so very sorry to hear about your dogs death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, theres a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe theyll do something for the animal.

Muldoon said, Ill go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?

Father Patrick: $500? - Why didnt you tell me the dog was Catholic?!